Friends from Heaven

Samuel, bless his heart, can be a real challenge. My decision to postpone this blog over the holidays was based, in part, on my simply being overwhelmed.

One of the more discouraging aspects had been the inability to participate fully in worship. Sunday mornings were the most tense time of the week for me. We had followed every bit of advice that came our way, including suggestions from someone who had grown up with challenges similar to Samuel's. But his spontaneous outbursts and movement just couldn't be tamed.

The Wednesday before Thanksgiving, a dear friend stopped by the house. She suggested having friends sit with Samuel in a quiet room in the lower part of the church where the services could still be heard. He could learn and participate, and I could fully participate again in church.

This has worked out beautifully. Last week, Samuel worshiped with a teenager that he just adores. It sounds like Samuel is learning a lot about the service and is able to participate in his own way. Others are getting to know Samuel even better, and I don't end up physically and emotionally drained every week.

I thank God for the wonderful people He puts in our lives to help carry our burdens!

Writing to Grandma

Samuel has long loved typing on a computer -- you push a letter here and get an instant response on the screen. We first gave him one of those early learning skills computers and followed that with an older castoff full computer.

Now Samuel can communicate with someone via computer.

My Mom decided to send him a note via my email. I put him in my lap and opened the email in front of us, then let him write a note back to Grandma. We've had several notes back and forth already.

I get him to think aloud a bit first, but what he types is his writing. So far, the only misspelling I noted was "rote" for "wrote," which is a very logical error. He also knows how to type an ampersand by touch and he prefers that to "and." I have no idea how he learned that one because I'd have to hunt to find it on the keyboard.

Samuel's life as a writer begins.

Will You Be My Friend?

When homeschooling the older kids, I was prepared for the typical social arguments made against homeschooling. The public expectation seems to be that children need to be "socialized" in school, something like a puppy, I suppose. Well, in the 30 years I've been around home-schooled kids, the social argument has proven to be bunk! Not only research, but my own observations show these kids to be extremely confident and able to interact well in almost all circumstances. (Better actually -- they're typically unconcerned about age whether dealing with younger kids or adults.)

OK, now we get to Samuel. Social issues are at the heart of a spectrum kid's challenge. I've recognized that professionals can be quite helpful to me in developing strategies to work with him. And as you may guess, I'm hearing a lot that he needs to be in a group setting to learn to interact with his peers.

This was one of my chief thoughts over the holidays. One conclusion I've reached is that Samuel is developing quite normally for a home-schooled child. He enjoys children of all ages, and will go up and talk to adults with great assurance. (In a play area recently a mother warned him that her baby was quite grumpy. Samuel had both Mama and baby grinning in a matter of minutes.)

But what about peers? I'm not so sure about that one. Part of me wants to discount the experts' concern. For a child who's going to spend the next 12 years in an age-segregated setting, this peer interaction would be critical. Real life isn't like that. In churches, the workplace, and in the community, we have to deal with people of all ages, abilities and life experiences.

On the other hand, friendships are vital in life, and we are often attracted to people who are similar to us. I can already see other children showing some frustration at Samuel's impulsiveness and ability to  disrupt a group. But is this a peer-interaction problem, or the outward manifestations of being a spectrum kid? I'm still thinking on this question.

She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not ...

I finally realized that Samuel is trying to figure out relationships. He comes up to me and says: "Say: 'I'm not your mother." To which I reply: "I can't say that: I am your mother; I love being your mother!" This seemed like such a strange dialog, and he's been repeating this for weeks! Then I started to piece his thoughts together.

While reading (we just started the Little House series), he will ask again and again if one person is the mother or if someone else is the brother. With my parents here for part of the holidays, Samuel tried to figure how Grandma could be my mother and grandpa's wife -- how Aunt Mary could also be my sister. He also seems to be pondering that if a relationship exists today, it also exists tomorrow, and perhaps the next day. And then the list of people he wishes to marry extends from his brothers and sisters to me and to people he's just met.

Relationships extend to inanimate objects. Samuel just asked me if his trains could stay here at the house. "Of course," I replied. "I love the trains," he said. "They are my trains."

Samuel is blessed to have very stable relationships around him. Still, it's a lot to figure out.

Christmas Break

This may not be a smart thing do do with a blog, but I will be taking a break until after the start of the New Year. May Christ richly bless you as we celebrate His birth!

A "Reality" Show

This video from Joni and Friends describes some aspects of my life very well, particularly when it mentions that having a spectrum kid come into the room is like throwing a spoon into a running blender. I also appreciated the description of how challenging it can be for a Type A personality to interact with a spectrum kid. By golly, I've got things to do and a schedule to keep, so this time in my life is definitely causing me to learn to be more patient, to stretch and to grow!

Gotta Get Back to Work

I didn't mean to disappear out of the blogsphere -- we've had out-of-town family in for the US Thanksgiving holiday. Samuel has had the opportunity to interact with more people, but my writing dropped way down in priority. Everyone was sad to see Grandma and Grandpa leave ...