We have been puzzled by Samuel's assertions that he is "a bad boy." He has been saying this for the past month or so anytime we correct him. This seemed odd because it's not a phrase we use. We are careful to identify the problem behavior, but we don't scold him ad hominem.
Peeling eggs today, it suddenly dawned on me what is happening. From early on, when he or his younger brother has done the right thing, we've jumped in with praise: "that's my good boy," hoping that it would train him regarding what is good and right.
Well Samuel is a smart kid. If he can be a "good boy," than the opposite is also possible: he can be a "bad boy;" and, by golly, it is sometimes easier to just be a bad boy! Something we thought had been going well, turns around and bites us!
4 comments:
That's interesting.
I think average kids put that together, too but want to be good boys/ girls. It motivates them, plus the affirmation and affection that usually goes with it.
Do you think Samuel likes the negative attention? or just is not bothered to do the harder thing?
I see this as kids get older, the need for praise seems to lessen in comparision to the thrill/ satisfaction that the bad behaviour is going to bring. Having boys I see they will often take risks even knowing it is a disallowed behaviour.
Ah..what you would give to be able to get inside little Samuel's head, eh! but you seem to be able to figure him out pretty well.
very interesting. I don't have a spectrum kid or even children at all (yet) but I still read your blog to help me to learn to relate to children, whether my nieces/nephews, children I minister to, or my own some day when God see fit to bless me with the privilege of being a parent. Thanks and God bless.
And thank you for encouraging us!
And in answer to Ruby, I really don't think it's a negative attention situation. He has already misbehaved, I've correct him, and he responds: "I'm a bad boy," but not in a contrite way. I'm actually still rather puzzled about what's going on with this, but at least now I have figured out its source.
We do try to tie our correction into the 10 commandments. This has the rather amusing outcome of hearing the little guys quoting the commandments to each other ...
Post a Comment